Joke thread

[Ted]

A man walks into a bar, ouch....

[Ted]

The Police Department, National Army, and the Intelligence Department claim themselves to be the best department among the others in capturing criminals. Hearing this, the government felt the need to test their abilities.

The government decided to test their abilities by releasing a rabbit into the nearby forest, and having the three departments capture it.

The Intelligence Department went in first, they placed informers on every possible angle in the forest. They question every tree, grasses, bushes, and animals in the forest. None of the areas were left un-interrogated. After a month of investigation, the Intelligence Department finally made the conclusion that the rabbit had never existed and that its existence was only a rumor.

Next, came in the National Army. After one month of fruitless effort, they finally lost their patience and burned the whole forest until all living creatures in it got roasted without exception. Finally, they retrieved what seemed to be the black, burnt carcass of what was once a rabbit.

Finally, the Police Department came into the scene. Two hours later, they came back bringing a white mouse with a badly beaten body.
The mouse yelled: "YES YES! I ADMIT IT! I AM A RABBIT! I AM A RABBIT!"

[Ted]

The hysterical pig is riding a bus. An old lady tells him:
- Please sir, could you close the window? It's cold outside!
He slams the window shut, then says:
- There, you stupid bitch. Is it hot outside now?

[Ted]

Two ants drunk.
One says to other: yesterday I was alone, Mr.Elephant threatened to kill me. Today we are two, Let him come and we'll kill him